Joy in the Journey

Dick and I were pretty much ruined by our degrees in English. We can’t help dissecting books and movies, and, especially, the talks given at church by our fellow church members. We’re a tough crowd, and we’ve got a long list of pet peeves. But a couple weeks ago we heard one of the best talks ever, by a sweet lady who moved in down the street a few months ago. I didn’t expect to enjoy the talk, as I could tell she was referring to her notes (pet peeve number 1), and because she seemed to be spending a lot of time introducing her husband to the congregation (pet peeve number 3).

But Deb’s talk was simply fantastic. I got teary-eyed several times, and Dick said it made him nostalgic for our kids, which was silly because all three of them were sitting between us in the pew. Most of all, it inspired me, as all good things do, to try a little harder to be a little better. I’ve found myself in the weeks since referring to her insights about motherhood as I go about my day.

I asked Deb if I could post her talk here, and I’m excited that she said yes (and very glad then that she had written it out). I thought it might also be a nice way for people who aren’t Mormon to see a good example of how lovely our church services can be. (I’ve made a couple edits to preserve privacy.)

Finding Joy in the Journey – 15 March 2009

by Debby (alpinedeb at yahoo dot com)

“Let us relish life as we live it, find joy in the journey, and share our love with friends and family.”

President Thomas S. Monson

First of all, many of you don’t know us.  We moved here in November from up in Highland.  My name is Debby  and my husband is Stan.  We met online, which in 1972, meant we met on a blind date.  We married in August of 1973.  We have two grown children, one daughter and one son.  Both are married and both have one daughter and one son.  It’s so hard for me to believe that I am a Gramma of four! But it’s the very best part of my life, being a Gramma!  Part of my Joy in the journey is seeing my children strive to raise their own children up in righteousness.

I am pretty goal-oriented.  Three weeks ago, when Brother Smith called us in to ask us to speak, he gave us our topics.  Mine is “Finding Joy in the Journey”.  Stan’s is “Celestial Marriage”.  That prompted me to set a goal.  My goal for the last two weeks has been to do everything I can to show Stan the meaning of a real Celestial marriage.  I found real Joy in the Journey demonstrating to Stan that he and I are going to be together “forever”!

Stan and I work hard to find joy in our journey. We made a commitment when we got married that we wouldn’t fight and yell in our home.  Do you know that Brother Bateman has NEVER yelled in anger at me?  Oh, I’m not saying he’s perfect!  He’s just committed, he’s just kind, and he’s just humble.  He loves to serve others and is always willing to help a friend or neighbor.  Stan enjoys old music and makes a hobby out of digitizing tapes and records and making family videos, and I have to admit, he’s pretty good at it!  He enjoys (or pretends to enjoy) cooking breakfast on Saturday morning.  The best part is that he also enjoys CLEANING UP!  How many husbands do that?  He enjoys yard work and I can’t to see what he does with our poor, dead yard.  He loves his grandchildren and will lie on the floor with them and play trains or cars for so long that someone will have to help him up.  He likes to tease and kid anyone around him, and he’s pretty good at that, too!  He’s mellowed out a little from that, though.  He no longer will dump a glass of ice water down your back then run!

There are a couple of stories I love to tell about Stan that will tell you what he is really like.  I don’t tell them to embarrass him or make him feel prideful.  I tell them because they epitomize who he is.

When we lived in West Valley, we loved going for a car ride just before sunset.  One particular day we drove past a man sitting on the sidewalk.  He wasn’t very clean-looking and we paid little attention to him.  Then Stan saw an over-turned wheelchair several yards away from the man.  He immediately made a u-turn and got out.  When he asked the man what he needed, the man said, “I was riding up the sidewalk and hit that bump.  My chair tipped, throwing me out and then tumbled away from me.  I’ve been sitting here for hours and no one will stop and help me.”  This man I married retrieved the chair, up-righted it and dusted it off, then I helped him lift this poor helpless man into his wheelchair.  He shook the man’s hand and we drove away.

We had some friends in West Valley who had six children and were really struggling to provide for them.  Very dear people who were striving to keep the commandments, but couldn’t afford much.  We went up to their home one Saturday night to visit.  Stan somehow found out that Dan didn’t have any shoes to wear to Church on Sunday.  His had worn out and they couldn’t afford more right now.  Without even a moment’s thought, Stan asked him what size shoes he wore.  When he heard that he and Dan wore exactly the same size, he slipped off his own shoes and handed them to Dan.  I don’t remember exactly what Stan said, but Dan took the shoes and Stan drove home in his stocking feet.

That’s the kind of man Heavenly Father gave me.

As for me, I have a hard time being serious about anything and would just as soon make fun of something, anything!  I love to laugh and I love to make others laugh!  I love to do all the domestic stuff that mothers do, sew, bake, crafts, scrapbook, and I am a total computer nerd.  According to my son, I am the nerdiest nerd of all the nerdy nerds!

I loved having teenagers in our home. They are so spontaneous and fun to be around (most of the time!)  I loved the midnight runs to get a drink, the cheesecakes in the middle of the night, the wooden spoon drum-fests, and the water fights in the kitchen!  Not that our kids were perfect either.  They weren’t.  And I certainly wasn’t the perfect mother.  I just wanted them to remember that I knew how to find joy in our journey.

I have a deep and abiding testimony of this Gospel and its teachings.  I love our Prophet and I love the Lord.  I love my Savior Jesus Christ.  When I think, really ponder the sacrifice He made for me, I can’t even comprehend His love for me.  I believe with all my heart that He knows me by name, He knows what is in my heart, and He knows my desires.  How can I ever thank Him for what He is to me and what I am to Him?

I think one way we can begin to repay our Savior is by keeping Him close to us so that we MIGHT have joy in this journey until we can return to Him.

Most of my topic, “Finding Joy in the Journey” comes from our beloved Prophet, Thomas S. Monson’s talk in General Conference last November.  He says, “Day by day, minute by minute, second by second, we [go] from where we were to where we are now.  The lives of all of us go through similar alterations and changes. Time never stands still; it must steadily march on, and with the marching comes the changes.  This is our one and only chance at mortal life – here and now.  The longer we live, the greater is our realization that it is brief.  The greatest lessons we are to learn upon the earth are lessons that help us distinguish between what is important and what is not.  I plead with you not to let those most important things pass you by as you plan for that future when you will have time to do all that you want to do.  Instead, find joy in the journey – now.”

Often times as a young mother, I became focused on all the things that “needed” to be done.  The laundry, the making of the beds, the meals, the shopping, and don’t forget the ever-present dishes!  I have always been a little more playful than responsible, but I thought that other people would judge me for having a less-than-perfect home.  President Monson says, “If you have children who are grown and gone, in all likelihood you have occasionally felt pangs of loss and the recognition that you didn’t appreciate that time of life as much as you should have.”

I have often felt that exact way.  I remember one particular time when I just HAD to clean out the refrigerator.  My then three-year-old son was lonely because his sister was in school.  He kept whining and bugging me to pick him up.  I resisted and ended up getting angry at him and making him go take a nap, because I had an “important” job to do.  Now I realize that HE was my important job.  That certainly is not the only incident I could relate.  I DO feel those pangs of guilt and remorse for not making Tyler the most important chore of the day.

For a while, I was obsessed with all the smudges, marks, and dents that plagued our newly remodeled house.  I frustrated over the strewn clothing, shoes, and backpacks.  I stressed over the unbelievable amount of laundry two kids could create.  Now?  Sometimes I would love to have a tiny little handprint on my newly cleaned sliding door; some baby toys strewn about the family room (oh, wait, I DO have baby toys strewn all over my family room!).  And as the Prophet said in his talk, I “miss them profoundly”.

I find comfort in the fact that my kids don’t remember our home being neat and orderly.  What they remember is the long car rides where they had Mom’s undivided attention, driving the car in the Church parking lot, wrestling on the unmade bed, lying on the floor and coloring, doing donuts in the snow with the car.  Says President Monson, “Let us relish life as we live it, find joy in the journey, and share our love with friends and family.  One day each of us will run out of tomorrows.”

We all have stress in our lives and we must deal with that stress the best we can.  But we should not let stress get in the way of what is most important – and what is most important almost always involves the people around us.  Don’t just assume that the members of your family KNOW you love them.  SHOW them.  Let them know.  Regrets don’t come from kind words or affection shown.  Rather, regrets come when such things are omitted from our relationships with those who mean the very most to us.  Don’t be like I was, letting a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved.

Author Harriet Beecher Stowe said, “The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone.” **

President Monson tells a story of Jay Hess who was shot down over North Vietnam during the Vietnam War.  For two years, he was kept captive, his family not knowing if he was dead or alive.  His captors eventually allowed him to write home but limited his message to 25 words.  What could he say to them, not knowing if he would ever see them again?  What counsel could he give them? Let’s take a minute and imagine what we would say in his position…..

He said, “These things are important: Temple marriage, mission, college.  Press on, set goals, write history, take pictures twice a year.”

Everything, EVERYTHING in this life is given to us by a loving, caring Heavenly Father.  EVERYTHING.  Life itself is part of those gifts.  How can we NOT rejoice in ALL that He gives us?  How can we NOT be joyful?

Doctrine and Covenants 88:33 “For what doth it profit a man if a gift is bestowed upon him, and he receive not the gift?  Behold, he rejoices not in that which is given unto him, neither rejoices in Him who is the Giver of the gift.”  We should be thankful for ALL our gifts, not just the good ones, AND we should be thankful for the Giver of those gifts.

The ancient Roman philosopher Horace admonished, “Whatever hour God has blessed you with, take it with grateful hand, nor postpone your joys from year to year.”

In 1 Thessalonians 5:18 we are told by the Apostle Paul, “In every thing give thanks; for this is the will of God.”

Let’s recall the story of the ten lepers.  When the lepers saw the Savior, they called out to Him, “Jesus, Master, have mercy on us.”  Jesus told them to go show themselves to the Priests.  When they obeyed Him, they were healed.  Only ONE of the lepers came back to show his gratitude to Jesus for the gift he had been given.  He gave glory to God for the blessing at the feet of Jesus Christ. Luke 17:12–18

I want to be that 10%! I want to show God that I am thankful for ALL my blessings, even if I don’t feel like they are blessings!

When you are truly grateful for something, you find more joy in it.  Our lives, our children, our trials, our sorrows, all are a gift from our Heavenly Father.  The Lord gave Joseph Smith a revelation about gratitude.  He said, “In nothing doth man offend God, or against none is His wrath kindled, save those who confess not His hand in all things.” D & C 59:21

President Monson asked us to live with gratitude in our hearts and fill our days, as much as we can, with those things which matter most.  He asked us to cherish those we hold dear and express our love to them in word and in deed.  He also asked us to show gratitude for our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.  He said, “Let us follow Him.  Let us emulate His example.  Let us obey His word.  By so doing, we give to Him the divine gift of gratitude.”

One of the best gifts bestowed on me, is the talent to play the piano.  I’m not accomplished and have had very little training, but I love to play.  One of my favorite things to do is bear testimony TO my Father in Heaven by playing music that edifies Him and His Son, Jesus Christ.  It’s a way for me to show gratitude to Him and it gives me joy at the same time.  I like to play privately, not for an audience, but I would like to bear you my testimony at the piano now by playing “How Great Thou Art”.  As you listen, please know that I am truly grateful for my gifts, good and bad.  I know Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ love me in spite of myself and my mistakes, and they know me and remember me from the Pre-existence.

May we leave here with a stronger resolve to be more grateful for the things that have been given to us and more willing to enjoy this journey called mortality, in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.