Today on our Sunday evening walk Spot kept asking me: “What’s this, Mommy?” about gravel pieces she held up for my inspection. One time it was a pink and orange foam earplug, but otherwise it was small rocks. I answered her patiently, of course, until I realized that she wasn’t actually insatiably curious, but was testing me. She knew they were rocks, she just wanted to make sure I did, too.
What I really know right now is that if I ever get famous, I’m going to hire a stylist. Someone who will look at my hair from the back and tell me it looks a tad bouffantish or . . . is that a squirrel’s tail? And this same person will theoretically look at my (theoretical) wardrobe and inform me when the circumference of my arms is being emphasized rather than hidden in the depths of obscurity where it belongs.
In the meantime, in this non-famous era when pictures and videos of me are nonetheless on the internet on websites I do not control, I’m going to direct your attention to these non-flattering images under the strict understanding that you realize I am MUCH more attractive in real life. And thinner, too. By like thirty pounds. You’ll just have to trust me.
Our .05 seconds of fame in the Mad at Dad saga is on ABCNews and MSNBC, and the Corvallis Gazette Times, among other news outlets, but it’s easiest to see the four pictures here. I was pretty bummed that Melissa Kossler Dutton’s AP article doesn’t link to my blog or even mention it, but then I realized that the article’s picture captions completely violate my internet safety rules. Another thing (insisting on stage names) to do differently if we’re ever famous.
And if you don’t follow me on Twitter or read Dick’s blog, you might have missed the video of me calmly and rationally explaining why Half.com deserves to flounder in its own un-live-chat-ing putrescence. (You’ll notice that the kitchen sink is devoid of dishes. It always looks like that. Another thing to trust me on. Also, this post of Dick’s should put to rest, forever, the question of who is the more put-upon person in our marriage, so Mom and Dad can stop saying “poor Dick” every five minutes.)
I leave you with a short video of Spot. (I apologize for recording on my point-and-shoot instead of the video camera, but it’s just so easy to capture the cuteness this way. Sorry, Nana, there is once again no music.)
Spot loves Wall-E from Tom Johnson on Vimeo.
Jane
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Aw, that smile of Spot’s at the end was just full of “I’ll happily deal with your toddler twoness just to see that smile. ”
If I ever got so famous I wouldn’t mind spending the money on it (or it’d be tax deductible even!), I’d have someone do my hair for me every time I needed to be seen in public. Seriously. I am so low-maintenance for my hair, that it’s too much doing if I have to do more than brush it. Anything more, it looks like I’ve been wrestling with a lopsided hyena with hair spray. And that’s when I’m really trying!! And then yeah, I’d get someone like Trinny and Susannah or Tim Gunn to go through my wardrobe and help me shop for flattering styles that’ll magically take away my thirty pounds!
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I love the video, the pictures, and the article!! And yeah, so much for anonymity. I read your last post though and realized I had just told everyone we were going on vacation for a week and also showed a picture of my baby in the bath. huh.
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I still think you’ll end up famous, even if it wasn’t through the AP article.
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Your comment on making customer service people cry is totally on target!
As far as the rules go, I kind of messed them up when I set up my blog and make comments with my last name attached. I considered making a new blog, making the old one private and just posting the same stuff on both of them so that my current friends and readers could still find me, but then new internet creeps wouldn’t be able to find me. (How does that song go? Make new blogs but keep the old…)
But since there are quite a few Laura Williams’ out there (including one with a blog that is WAY more popular than my own, and at least one who lives in the same town, whose minivan is about to be repossessed) I just decided to leave things as is for now (possibly because I’m lazy).
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Kirsty — Do you read Penelope Trunk? She has interesting stuff on how you should spend more money on your appearance than you think you should. She defended the wardrobe spending that Sarah Palin did, and said, If you think that was outrageous, then you’re definitely not spending enough on yourself. But since I don’t get a salary at my job, I don’t think I can claim appearance money as an investment.
Suzy — I still remember when you sent me that eBay Pokemon story, asking if it was mine, and I remember being flattered, but also rather unimpressed by the story. And of course it was written by Dawn Meehan (mom2my6pack/Because I said so) who is now Quite Famous.
Not that I really want fame. But the fortune would sure come in handy!
Sharla & Laura — One thing I’ve noticed on the anonymous/safety thing is that often the people who desperately want attention, who post anything and everything, seem to have a hard time getting the attention (unless they drop 8 kids at once), and the people who really would like some privacy are often besieged, because they’re just so darn fascinating.
People who blog for a living would tell you you should use your full name, to build your brand recognition, etc. So it all depends what you’re blogging for, and what your level of comfort is. I used to think, for example, that 11 was way too young an age for Sally to start babysitting her siblings, but now that she’s 8, I’m thinking 9 is a great, responsible age.
That had nothing to do with internet stuff, but I don’t think anyone should panic about online things, unless there is a credible threat to your family’s physical (IRL) safety.
On the naked kids in the tub, you just have to realize that a sicko somewhere might use that photo for his own purposes. Or any photo of your kid could be photoshopped and used in ways you wouldn’t like. What you have to decide is whether that hurts you and your kids. For me, it doesn’t, unless they know where my kids live and present a threat to their physical safety. To me there’s a big difference.
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Of course another reason not to spend money on my appearance is because then I can say: Just imagine what I’d look like if I TRIED.
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I have several things to say and none of them are related.
First of all, I couldn’t stop smiling seeing your little family getting ready for church. The kids are precious. Perhaps because I’ve been reading your blog for so long but the casual and relaxed way you are posed at your kitchen table made me snicker. I somehow suspect that most Sunday mornings I would not find you lovingly watching your husband dress your three girls. I could be wrong, because Lord knows at my house Sunday mornings include me shrieking “GET YOUR SHOES ON! WHERE IS MY BIBLE? STOP MESSING WITH YOUR HAIR.”
Second, I loved the video of you angrily stomping your computer. I do the same thing. I have the exact same problem with my bank and with the Webkinz website which I believe to be usability nightmare straight from the devil
Third, I’ve always been so conflicted about the Internet security thing. I use our real names, and I suppose if somebody really wanted to find me they could. On the other hand, I have a pretty small audience so I guess it doesn’t matter. I don’t know.
Fourth, I always struggle with buying myself clothes. Oddly, my husband has helped me get past this weird, hang-up. He is all for me buying new clothes and not off the sale rack. Maybe he’s trying to tell me something?
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Love the article – you guys look great.
Yeah, the anonymity thing is something that I’ve gotten past. I still use pen names for my kids and hubs so they aren’t Google-able but I’m out there with my name and location. If you dig, you can find anything.
I do know that once I started posting with my full name, it was a freeing moment. I own my name and the content bearing my name. It’s empowering and keeps me on my toes.
Am right there with you on differing communication styles. I figured this one out a long time ago, probably because Knute is an engineer. He takes a problem-solving approach to everything and I kinda look at things that way, too. I’m not terribly sentimental or overly-emotional, either. Girl/Mom Drama drives me nuts!
Take care!
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