A few months ago, I put Spot the baby (age 2) down to bed in her crib. It had been a long day, with a missed nap (hers) and frantic errand-running (mine). Sally was bunked down on our bed, where she reads or sleeps until Dick carries her into the room that she shares with Spot. Susan, the middle child, is the only person in our house to have her own room. Everyone is happier with this arrangement.
I settled myself on the couch, my shabby fabric sofa that conducts heat from the registers up to my weary body. This is my favorite time of the day. I turn the TV on low and nestle my (also-warm) laptop on my lap. Dick is beside me on the couch, laptop on lap, or upstairs in the loft on the family computer, doing freelance work. (Yes, our lives revolve entirely too much around the personal computer).
Only another parent (a primary-caregiver parent at that) can appreciate how precious are those first moments after all the children are in bed. It is a relief not unlike the release of tension and preparation and exertion and anticipation that follows labor and delivery. (Okay, it’s not quite as dramatic, but it is similar.)
For a few minutes there are muffled ruffling sounds from Spot in her crib. Then silence. Golden, longed-for, prayed-for, hoped-for silence.
Twenty minutes later, there was crying, just-woken, unhappily-woken, wish-I-were-asleep crying.
In Spot and Sally’s room there is a lamp, a match to the lamp on my nightstand. A lamp that Dick lent to Sally for the odd nights when she reads in her own room instead of ours. The lamps, lamps that belong in the master bedroom, match the quilt and the pillows on my bed. They are the only piece of furniture in my entire house that I bought new. Not on sale. At Wal-mart, sure, but full price, to specifically match the quilt my sister passed on to us.
On this night, Dick is upstairs, just outside Spot’s closed door. Sally is on our bed, and Susan is in her room.
Only Sally is not on our bed because she has gone into the room she shares with Spot, and she has woken her up. Mr. Oblivious has allowed this to happen.
(You know what’s coming, right?)
I marched upstairs in a self-righteous fury and picked up that lamp (my lamp, remember) and smashed it down onto the dresser.
“How could you wake your sister up” Smash, smash.
“How could you let her wake her sister up” Smash, smash.
A couple minutes later I decided I need to change.
When New Years came, I made No Yelling my single resolution.
For many years, I have accepted that being a mother means getting angry. Not all the time, of course, but when the kids won’t put their shoes on or won’t get dressed or will cut up important papers or color on the walls or spill their dinner ON PURPOSE, it’s only natural to get angry.
And I have embraced, as my right, the right to express my anger. I don’t hit them (except for that regrettable incident with the hairbrush and Sally’s every-bopping head during hair-doing time when she was four), and I don’t chain them in the basement, so surely it is okay if I EXPRESS MYSELF.
Except it doesn’t make me happy. It makes me feel like crap. It makes me look at myself in the mirror and wonder, Who on earth is this MONSTER?
Especially since yelling doesn’t work. It doesn’t make kids listen better or work harder or want to please or feel loved or feel safe or obey quicker.
If yelling succeeds, it makes kids feel scared, it makes them feel ashamed, it makes them question your love (and your rationality). And there might well be instances when I want my kids to feel scared and ashamed. But not before they’re teenagers, I’m pretty sure.
So I have been working on No Yelling for a month now.
I have fallen horribly short.
And yet? It has already changed things.
I thought the secret to no yelling was self-control. It’s not. (Though it does help to have a blanket “no-yelling” rule).
The secret to no yelling is to not get angry. To take care of yourself (get enough sleep, water, nutritional food, exercise) and take care of your kids (sacrifice so they get enough sleep, water, nutritional food, exercise). And to plan, prepare, prevent. Identify the things that infuriate me (lost shoes at the last minute; unresponsive, unhelpful TV watchers; fights over toys) and plan ahead to eliminate or better respond to them.
The biggest thing is to choose. To choose to be happy instead of angry. Patient instead of impatient. Understanding instead of (wilfully) incomprehending.
The connection between telling yourself you cannot get angry and how you feel is like the connection between making yourself smile and how you feel. Sometimes going through the motions is enough to jumpstart the real emotion: peace, happiness, and more determination than ever to become the sort of person I can look in the mirror.
Jane
Thanks to Kimberly at Realistic Idealist for sharing her own not-admirable moments with me.
I’m submitting this to MamaBlogga’s Group Writing Project on “Choosing Happiness.”
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Thank you for this post. I have the same problem, I just blogged about it today
Good ideas though, I will be trying them out.
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We have all raged at one point or another. I have taken to sitting down with my kids after a rage attack and telling them I am sorry and that is not a good way to handle a problem, then we come up with ways I could have handled it better and what they could have done to help me not get so darn angry. It is so great for them, they forgive so easily and understand that I know it is wrong to act like that. I like the no yelling rule, I am starting it today. wish me luck.
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I agree that yelling at kids is not good for all the reasons you said. But what about yelling, and smashing lamps, at husbands – is that ok? Cuz I can’t seem to control that, no matter how hard I try. He just keeps doing stuff that brings it out of me! It’s not MY fault!
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kel Reply:
November 5th, 2009 at 3:11 pm
I have hurt my husband with words. So much so that I feel so much remorse, I refuse to forgive myself. I don’t know how to stop this cycle. I began getting very angry about 3 years ago. I believe that I’ve always had this anger, but never was able to release it emotionally. I have learned to blame circumstances on my rage, but I can’t do it anymore. I just want to love him. No matter how much I feel he is deserves it. I KNOW nobody deserves to be yelled at or belittled. Help!
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Robyn Reply:
January 14th, 2010 at 7:54 am
You should step back and think what is really making you angry. It’s prob. not your husband. It’s something inside you. You just let him be the outlet. It’s really bad. Just think if it where him yelling at you constantly. It’s not a good place to be. It could lead to the break down of your marriage. He will resent you. So try to take a breathe and understand your anger. These days we all have reasons to be stressed and angry. But we can’t get through these tough times without the person we chose to marry and love. Good luck. I am hear because I yell too much at my children. It’s my stress level. I feel like a time bomb about to explode. Good Luck for both of us.
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Rage is a scary thing. Really. Especially when you didn’t realize you could feel *that* angry at your own flesh-and-blood babies.
I may have said this before in comments or if it was an email to Jane, but my single BIL asked me a summer or two ago, if parents might ever feel so angry at their child/children that they could hurt them. I turned to him and bluntly said, “Every single day. They just choose not to do it.”
Sometimes it’s so hard not to project your feelings of frustration, rage, anger, etc, on your kids, even though the rational part of your brain knows that a lot of things are not their fault, and even if they are, your innocent children are just that—children.
Being a parent is SO hard.
My ideal goal is to parent without the anger. What motivates children is usually the follow-through, which often naturally comes when you’re angry enough to shake things up. So I keep looking for ways to apply consequences without the anger, and do the follow through without waiting until I get angry enough to do it. I very rarely give empty threats now. And most of the time, they still don’t obey. But I feel so empowered to have tools in place; I know how to react when they don’t obey or act how I want them to (like going to bed when you want them to), and feel less frustrated.
I have so much to say on this subject, I’d take up your whole comment spot. Like an answering machine, at one point the note-taking-spot will cut me off, and then anyone else who tries to comment will get a “message box full” error message! ; )
I might have said a lot of this before, but I once made a rule that I could yell once a day. Seems mean, huh? But it was realistic for me, and once I had yelled that day, I had to find a diff. way to communicate. It honestly completely defused the anger, and helped me interact with my kids in a much healthier way over that next few months.
When I’m angry, a lot of times it’s because I can’t think straight and kids are bugging me, oblivious to my immediate stresses, and often it’s compounded because I didn’t get enough sleep the night before, or someone called me (and I chose to answer it, duh to me!) at the most inoportune time so I’m grouchy and stressed, or I procrastinated and now need to do several things at the same time, etc. It’s just that I want to turn around and unleash my pent up anger, and their inconsiderate-ness of bothering me (even though that’s not their intention at all), on them. Even though a lot of it may not even be directed at them. Ditto when we vent on our husbands because they’re the one that’s there, that has to still love us (we would never want our friends to see us so un-Christlike!). We want to be mad at someone, to blame someone, even when it’s no one’s fault, or a lot of the fault is our own.
Sigh. Life is so hard. But I’m doing better right now at treating my kiddos with dignity, and am also apologizing to my husband and seeking to treat him with dignity, too, and not “dump” on him
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We should start a support group. I thought I was the only one who felt this way!
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Hi, Jane. (Isn’t anybody else going to greet her? Sheesh. PEOPLE BEING RUDE JUST MAKES ME SO MAD–oh.)
Seriously–thank you for this post. I’ve been feeling overwhelmed a lot in the past few months and I’ve definitely been taking it out on the people I care about most (and the most expensive things we own, especially the house). Like other people have said, I often feel like I can’t help it–and it’s so scary to feel like your own emotions are beyond your control.
And thank you for inspiring me to try harder to do just that. I was so hoping you managed to stop yelling, and then maybe we could all work on the end of anger–but I’m also glad to know how it really has worked for you.
Thanks for participating!
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You’re brave to post about this. But as you can see, you are definitely not the only one. There was a point in my life that I had to “look in the mirror” and change some things or there was going to be serious emotional damage to my kids, my self, and my relationship with Cam. It’s a scary feeling. I’m glad it was the lamp (or not glad, it’s so hard to lose something that matches
) and not something more precious. I have some similar goals/self checks. We’ll help keep each other in line, eh?
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Yup — that time after the kiddos go down is definately golden. I can really loose it if someone disturbs that time!
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I grew up in a house with parents who yelled. They never said mean things, they never were physical, but they yelled – a lot. I hated it as a kid. I hated feeling like I was walking on egg shells. I hated that I never really knew what would set off the tirade. And once the storm blew in it would take hours for it to recede again.
I grew up being conflict adverse. Never wanting to disagree or disappoint anybody in fear of being in an argument. It has taken my husband years to get me to even express my own frustrations in our marriage. When the yelling would begin it was frightening. It was intimidating and as I got older it made me respect my parents less because of it. If they allowed themselves to lose control so easily over so many small things than why should I? When I could drive, I would leave the house when a storm blew up. And to this day when I get in a fight with my husband my first instinct is to get in my car and flee.
I’m not saying all of this to be judgmental because trust me, I am far, far from being saintly. I say all this because I can remember distinctly what it felt like to be at the receiving end of the rage and it wasn’t good. I will say that every child is different and even though it effected me so negatively I suspect you would hear a very different story from my brother and sister. My sister is a “screamer” and she has, and continues, to rage at her kids (although now that they are teen boys they have a tendency to return the favor). And my brother, well I just don’t think it bothered him as much as it did me.
Everybody gets angry. It is how we choose to react to that anger that is important. Releasing the rage within happens when you give yourself permission to lose control. Somewhere you tell yourself “its okay to say these things, act this way, because I’m angry”. We’ve all done it, but it is a choice – like eating that Twinkie you’ve been staring at for the past hour.
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Vera Reply:
May 18th, 2009 at 3:11 pm
I did not yell at people before… but that has changed in the past few years. I now yell at my husband. He doesn’t communicate his feeling with me, other family members or even his closest friends. He walks away when we fight.
My mom sometimes lost her temper on us, but she always sat us down and talked about it for hours. So I’m not very sensitive to yelling, but a well communicated relationship means a lot to me. And whenever my husband ignores or walks away from our “talk”, that hurts me and makes me feel unloved…. and I yell at him more because I have become so frustrated with him… I want and need badly to communicate with him, but he shuts the door on me.
Your story makes me understand why he is so withdrawn, and why he always walks away during or after we fight.
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Growing up my Mom had some issues with this. (and of course it carried on to her daughter) She would fly off the handle and as a child of course I didn’t like it. BUT she would always come to me later and hug me and tell me she loved me and that is what I remember most. And now my Mom is my best friend. So yeah, change it for you, and of course it would be better to not be that way. But I think the most important thing is to make sure your children know you love them. And I know you do.
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If it’s as simple (as HARD) as not eating that twinkie in front of you, Beth, then I think I know why I’m in trouble
.
Thanks for all the commiseration; I cried when I was writing this, and I think it really helps for me to just admit there truly is a problem, and that I don’t have to be like this, feel like this, etc.
And I agree about them knowing you love them being the most important thing. And I am pretty good at saying I’m sorry and de-escalating things — but I do hate the tension that comes with yelling.
Thanks again!
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Great post! I just met a mom last night – 35 and mom to 1 year old twins and a recently adopted 16 year old. The son is my son’s friend. We were sharing war stories, and I was trying to help her realize that what she’s going through with A is nothing different from what goes on in her house – no you can’t go to that party unless I know the parents, yes you have to be home by 11, no you can’t be on Facebook & TV while doing your homework, yes it’s your turn to do the dishes.
She was feeling guilty about getting mad at him, having adopted A from a tough situation – she wanted her home to be all chocolate-chip-cookie-ward-n-june-fluffy-kittens. The reality is we’re ALL human… the parents and the kids. Human emotion involves love and rage, passion, indifference, hormones and massive complexity. Learning how to live with one another AND our emotions is part of growing up.
Jane – you are an awesome mom!
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Jane, so dear, I think you’re on the right track with the AA greeting title. Admitting a problem, taking Steps to improve, forgiving everybody who needs it, including yourself, has worked wonders with me. Now, when I stub my toe, for instance, on something I left out of place, my anger spikes and I look quickly for someone to blame, but alas there’s only me and the dogs and cat, and then the absurdity and humor of the situation take over, and I explain to the animals what the problem is. They look at me uncomprehending but with interest to see if a treat or a walk might be in the offing. The bits and pieces of the situation have scattered in all directions and peace returns. It’s taken many years to whip my anger spikes into shape, and I wonder if maybe the many years themselves get the credit, but I prefer to believe that my Steps and the Lord’s grace do function for me as they have for so many others. Keep coming back, Sweetie.
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Jane, this is one of the best (and most honest) posts I’ve read in awhile. It’s honestly like you took the words right out of my head. Thank you for voicing it all so well.
Also pegging me right-on was Beth; her story could be my story. I grew up in a house FULL of yelling and I still have that instinct to RETREAT! RETREAT! when I hear it. I have never yelled at my husband or another adult in my life and even now, if my husband ever even slightly raises his voice at me, I feel myself shrinking back into that same little girl who hated her parents for making her feel so small. And when I watch him yell at our kids… it just breaks my heart.
Yet I find myself reacting to the kids like that more and more often, yelling at them over stupid little things these days, and I so badly want to make stop it. I do not want them to be scared or ashamed in our home and neither do I want them questioning my love or my ability to be rational. And I definitely do not want them to end up with the same anger… or to be adults who yell at anyone at the slightest drop of the hat, like my sisters ended up.
Anyway, thanks for the awesome reminder, the encouragement, and the honesty.
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What a good post. I always hate when people say “you can decide to be happy” when I’m in the worst mood ever so it is nice to read it when I am not (as) exhausted with a screaming kid hanging off my leg while annoying TV watchers are oblivious to the fact I’m going nuts. (bit of a run on there).
When I was growing up my mom worked in the child development department at the college. Her mentor/adviser person always had a sign on her door HIAD with a rainbow. Happiness is a Decision. In my clearer thinking moments, I know this is true and I don’t want to waste anymore time than necessary being the angry mom. (although i know i can’t stop yelling completely)
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“Sometimes going through the motions is enough to jumpstart the real emotion: peace, happiness, and more determination than ever to become the sort of person I can look in the mirror.”
Your grandmother taught this to me several times – she called it the principle of acting “as if” – and when I finally listened, I found it to be very helpful in my life ever since.
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A big part of me returning to work when M was about 7 months old was because I was so angry and frustrated and cranky and annoyed at being at home, and with her all the time. With all the shock of a first child, and one who isn’t a great sleeper, I really looked forward to her spending time away from me and so that I could calm down. (I also personally have never had a strong desire that I should be a SAHM.) I have since realised that at the time I could well have come close to hurting her, as my anger when I was much younger (primary school) tended to be physical in nature, although I have quelled that significantly since realising in late primary school/early high school that physical expressions of my anger were not appropriate.
Your points about taking care of yourself and your children so that you avoid anger are really great. The last few mornings as I’ve wanted to pour M’s cereal down her throat because she woke up ‘late’ (late to bed ..) and she only wants to eat what Daddy is having, and wants to be spoon fed, I’ve been trying to think what I can do to avoid this. Some of it I think is toddler-boundary-testing, and other elements I can change (getting her to bed on time, me getting to bed earlier).
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One more thing, I fully agree/support the notion that being well cared for goes a long way in preventing flare ups of anger. Whenever I’m super tired or sick my patience for my kids goes right out the window. I do my most griping when I’m sleepy. And just so nobody thinks I’m saintly I don’t yell but my sarcasm goes off the scale. Things like “Lucy you can’t have another cookie and you know what? Five minutes from now you STILL won’t be able to have a cookie so don’t even think of asking again.” Lovely, so mature of me.
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I don’t think you CAN decided to be happy or not be angry when you’re already there. I think all you can do is the precursor steps, like you said, Jane. I had a similar thought recently when I realized that I only snap impatiently at my kids when I’m tired. Unfortunately for me, lately I’m tired all the time for no fault of my own. Thankfully, I don’t scream or rage at my kids very often but I HAVE. It’s not a fabulous feeling. My mom was angry a lot when I was a kid but she DIDN’T usually come and apologize. I think twice I recall her doing so. And look at how screwed up I am. So, I think if we are apologetic and make sure our kids know it’s us and not them, they’ll be just fine. They’ll learn resilience, forgiveness, and compassion.
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This is a good post. Thanks for writing it. I sturggle with not yelling at my kids quite often. Especially the oldest. He revels in the pushing of buttons.
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I hate that I yell. I hate that 95% of my yelling is at only one of my 3 children. I feel even worse because my mom never yelled. I have taken the “vow of yellibacy” many times, it hasn’t stuck yet. Your yelling makes me feel better about mine (why is that?)
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[...] « Hello, my name is Jane, and I am a rage-aholic [...]
You know, I have never been fond of yelling, but I agree that there are certain triggers that almost unavoidably make tension rise, resulting in yelling. (One of those is of course the injustice of cleaning alone while the other watches TV or surfs the web.)
By the way, I dug out the broken lamp and now use it in the garage when I work on things. Maybe some day, when you’ve truly put it behind you, you will replace my lamp.
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[...] How to stop yelling and choose happiness by Jane @ What About Mom [...]
This is so hard sometimes! It makes perfect sense, but not always in our frazzled states of mind…
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Thank you for this post! Thank you for admitting you yell. I yell…but not as much. But I used to yell. A lot. The toddler years were hell for me…I am so glad that is over. Today I focus on breathing and prayer. It’s not easy, not by a long shot…but I have come a long way…and it sounds like you have too.
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I’m trying to yell less too. Thank you for the inspiration.
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[...] How to stop yelling and choose happiness by Jane @ What About Mom [...]
Jane–you may not know me, but I am Kimberly’s mom. I loved your blog (what I read on Kim’s) but I beg to differ on #7. There is hope, because you do get promoted, from mother to grandmother–and it gets even better!
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Jane Reply:
May 26th, 2009 at 11:06 pm
I was thinking about this the other day. When we were trying to decide whether to try for a fourth kid or not — I found myself thinking, but… I could just wait until my oldest (8) has a kid. But that is a bit long to wait.
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Great post! Very real and honest. This is something many, many moms struggle with, including me. Thank you!
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[...] 1. To record what happens around and within you. Of course you can keep a journal, but blogging helps by providing incentives (commiseration, support) and accountability (it’s public, so it’s obvious if you’re not posting). Getting feedback on your activities and thoughts can help you be more reflective about what you do and what you think, what you believe, and why. An Ensign article called Hidden Benefits of Keeping a History (Thanks, Laura) encourages us to record both our successes and failures, and our feelings about them. [...]
everytime no matter what it is when my husband just talks to me get defensive with him i dont understand this and i yell at him alot its no wonder why he daoe not talk to me much or tell me he loves me what do i do to change this it is stressing my marriage to its braking point help plz
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Jane Reply:
May 26th, 2009 at 11:05 pm
I wish I could help, Beth. I think that you recognize the seriousness of the problem and the possible consequences is a big step. My husband once told me he wanted to follow me around with a tape recorder so I could hear myself. I think therapy would benefit any (every) couple at some point. If you need help, please get it.
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Hi Jane,
Thank you for posting your story and made me feel that I am not alone. I stay home with 4 children and I recently found myself doing a lot of yelling. A little spill in the microwave, an opened granola bar by one of the kids that was left on the kitchen floor unfinished(my expensive “Whole Foods” ones!) or that dreadful light in the kids’ bathroom that’s ALWAYS not being turn off would turn me into a monster mom.
I think it’s about time for me to get some help. And I will.
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Jane Reply:
May 26th, 2009 at 11:05 pm
The best thing about the internet is feeling less alone, esp for us stay-at-home moms.
Good for you for getting help!
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I did not yell at people before… but that has changed in the past few years. I now yell at my husband. He doesn’t communicate his feeling with me, other family members or even his closest friends. He walks away when we fight.
My mom sometimes lost her temper on us, but she always sat us down and talked about it for hours. So I’m not very sensitive to yelling, but a well communicated relationship means a lot to me. And whenever my husband ignores or walks away from our “talk”, that hurts me and makes me feel unloved…. and I yell at him more because I have become so frustrated with him… I want and need badly to communicate with him, but he shuts the door on me.
Your story makes me understand why he is so withdrawn, and why he always walks away during or after we fight.
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Jane Reply:
May 26th, 2009 at 11:14 pm
You’re definitely not alone in this. It seems like a lot of men walk away rather than engage in confrontation.
I confess I have not been as successful in my resolution as I hoped.
I am going to try harder. Starting now.
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[...] am a good mother, and I have bad to share: Like the time I whacked Sally on the head with a hairbrush because she wouldn’t hold still [...]
[...] with three small boys and deciding my own loinfruit are not so bad. Part of it is realizing that some of our goals are becoming habitual (some of the time). Part of it is long naps and helpful basil [...]
Hello Jane, I know it’s been awhile but I’ve been looking for support about yelling and found your blog. It is nice to know I am not alone. Well I guess it is but it isn’t at the same time. I’ve been yelling at my 14 month old and I feel so ashamed. I’m a single mother going to school and trying to work when I can. I was raised in a really abusive home growing up. My mother always yelled and hit me and we still fight to do this day sometimes. I hardly get a break. The only time I can afford to have sitters is when I’m giving a massage or going to school. So time alone is few and far between. Everytime I promise myself I’m not going to lose it it creeeps back in there. I feel even more terrible when she wants to kiss me after yelling at her. I tell her I’m sorry and I give her lots of hugs and snuggles but sometimes it seems it’s never enough. She wants to be on my boob constantly. I’m always exhausted but then when I lay down at night I can’t fall asleep! AAAH! My daughter is amazing and such a sweet loving child. I wish i wouldn’t let my patience fail. I know I need to seek help. I’m trying to find a balance in all this madness in my life. Whenever her father gets to me it seems worse. It’s probably better that he doesn’t live in the same state but I’m so angry at him for leaving us but of course he blames me for that. I feel so defeated and alone. Thanks for posting this and helping me to know that I’m not alone. Much respect, Monique
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Thank you so much for this post!! I found it when I was looking for help. I come to you from the other side. My three boys and I are the ones that get yelled at daily… as my boys get older they have all started to think that this way of life is ok… My husband will yell at almost anything… If he wakes up in the AM. and he cant find socks to wear or if the dishes are not put away( they were washed and in the dish washer, but not put away yet) If I ask him a question while he is watching tv…. But he will want to have a full conversation while one of my shows are on… It is all very hurtful and as the day goes on it only gets worse… He will get to the point where he starts using bad words and calling us names. Usually if he starts yelling sometime during the day he will not stop until bedtime.I have tried many ways to try to help.. we don’t say anything to him and let him rant and rave.. Or after being yelled at all day I will calmly ask him to stop talking to us that way.. Well now I have become a B**** or a nag and why do I like to bring stuff up to fight about… He gets upset with me because we don’t have sex as much as we used to.. I really have a hard time giving myself to him after a day of being treated badly.. My husband rarely does any housework or cooking. He goes to work, watches tv and gets on the computer. My boys help me out alot to try to get everyhing done. We may have one or two”GOOD” days a weak.. Believe it or not I really do Love my husband . I know I will stay with him I just need some help… I have asked him to think about what he is saying before he says it.. I also have told him that he would never put up with me talking to him like that all the time… I try real hard not to yell back . I do this to show him that you can get mad or upset and not yell. I think it is our only problem in our Marriage, but I will say it has ruined my self esteem, my happiness, my confidence and my boys are the same way.. It makes me double think that he even loves or likes us….. If anyone has any idea on how to help us through this, I am desperate… Am I doing something wrong, How can I help someone with this problem if they don’t even want to talk to me about it? So, if I can’t help him with this can someone please help me and tell me how to deal with it how do I stay out of harms way… Thank you..
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thank you all.
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[...] If you have read this website for any amount of time, you know that I am rather preoccupied with what a mother should sound like, or rather, my regret over too often not sounding like what I think a mother should sound like. [...]
This is a great article, thanks so much for you candor …very helpful.
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