We just got back from a quick trip to Idaho and Yellowstone, where we visited friends who are some of the best parents I know. Not only do they love their kids, they like them too. I know! Isn’t it enough that we love our kids: instinctively, irrationally, unconditionally? Must we also LIKE them, in all their booger-eating, sticky-fingered sklonklishness?
(Not that my friends’ kids eat boogers.)
I used to jog with my friend when we lived in Cairo, so I wasn’t too excited about her seeing me in my post-moving fat slump and with my busy/poor/lazy gray hair. In a toss up between losing 20 pounds and getting a better haircut than the one Dick gave me a few months ago, getting a cut and highlights was the much easier fix.
(Hey, I can hope that if I have striking hair, no one will even notice my fat jeans.)
As my nice (young) stylist worked, I caught up on my trashy magazine reading, though unfortunately they didn’t have any really juicy ones like People or UsWeekly.
Instead I looked through some parenting magazines, and picked up a bunch of expert advice that I’ll be working into my daily routine.
One tip was so potentially life-changing that I thought I’d pass it on to you. It’s from Parents magazine:
If your morning routine is crazy, and the kids are having a meltdown just as you are rushing to get to your own early meeting, gather your kids into a circle and beat on your chests, yelling like Tarzan, for thirty seconds. Everyone will start laughing, and then they’ll magically find the lost tennis shoe and the hidden homework. (I may have made up that last bit, but they definitely talked about everyone laughing off the days’ stresses).
I don’t know about your kids, but when mine are out-of-control, the last thing they want to do is humor Mom in a little team-building role play.
No, if you really want to have a better morning routine, I’m afraid the answer is much less exciting:
1. Go to bed earlier (kids too).
2. Get up earlier (kids too).
3. Plan clothes/lunches/backpacks/outerwear/homework the day before.
4. Eat a good breakfast (kids too). No straight-sugar cereal.
But wait! I have an even more unsexy suggestion: If your morning routine is crazy, and if you really want to fix it:
5. Take a look at your priorities and schedule, and plan things so that you have an hour (or even a half hour) in which to concentrate on your kids in the morning without interruption.
Let me just say that I know these five things work, because I have way too much experience with the staying up late, the waking up late, the scrambling for clean underwear, and the blog posts that need finishing. It’s shocking (SHOCKING!) how much smoother things go in the morning if I’m not trying to talk on the phone to Tara or finish a post or pay a bill that was due last week.
The sad, hard truth is that parenting takes quantity time as well as quality. I can’t blame Parents for wishing that a 30-second screamfest would solve all our problems, though. Wouldn’t that be loverly?
That’s the Unsexy Morning Routine that works-for-me. Check out Rocks In My Dryer for more tips!
Comment of the day (and why I love Memarie Lane so much):
My midwife always has a stack of free Mothering magazines. The last one had an article about “gentle discipline.” This mom was playing ball with her two little boys and they kept getting upset and fighting. So she had them sit down and told them that the ball is a “talking stick” (why not a talking ball?) And whoever had the talking stick could talk while everyone else had to listen. And then each boy got his turn with the “stick” to talk about how he felt about his brother and the ball and the incident that had occurred. And then there were rebuttals and such, and then they sang a song and hugged.
I prefer my spanking stick.
Tags: advice, motherhood, parenthood, parenting, parents magazine, routines
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Darn straight. Those cute ideas are nice but if you’re having problems on a regular basis, you’re right: Change your routine.
traceys last blog post..Worries
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I’m pretty sure that you guys just haven’t done the chest pounding right. Our little angel NEVER has temper tantrums in the morning, but hypothetically if she did I know that beating our chests solves the problems. Seriously though, I think they just run out of things to say that aren’t a broken record and need to come up with new stuff to peddle their wares.
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I think that beating of the chest routine only works if you’re in a Robin Williams movie.
Really, Parents? Really? That’s the best you’ve got?
Jane, I think we should start a real parenting ezine – advice from real moms sans nannies, ya know?
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Agreed. But you know what else is really nice? Once your kids are old enough to be in school, once you finally get them out the door on those especially crazy days (because those happen too even w/ breakfast), locking the deadbolt and engaging in a primal scream as you slide down the backside of the door feels really good.
I’m just sayin’.
compulsive writers last blog post..Birds and bees
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Now this post ALMOST tempts me to go back and read all those parenting books I devoured while pregnant with my first child.
Now that child 3 is now 4, I am sure it would make for great reading, as would all those totally unrealistic expectations I had way back then.
JanMary, N Irelands last blog post..Birthday Baking and Digital Scrapbooking
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Tracey — Yeah, it was a cute idea, seductive in its simplicity and ease. And it might even work, once.
Brock — Hah. I’m thinking if I let them beat on my chest, it’d probably work.
Marianne — Hmmm. Only problem is, I usually know WHAT I should do, it’s just that WHAT I should do is hard or inconvenient or boring. (How boring is it to go to bed early? Eck.) Wondering if there’s a market for hard/inconvenient/boring advice?
Compulsive Writer — Oh, yes. I salivate in anticipation of the day when all of mine LEAVE THE HOUSE at a regularly scheduled time. Even if we have a beautiful morning (I think we had one a couple years back), it is a relief when the school run is done.
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I read that article too and laughed when I read that. I wonder if anyone started doing the Tarzan pound in the morning after reading that…probably not.
danielles last blog post..You’re Cute…
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I find the suggested activity equally inane, but I do recognize the kernel of truth/helpful advice inside it. Reconnecting and acting silly to get everyone out of their funk/rush/bad mood/whatever will change the pace of the morning and at least have everyone smiling while they rush towards the rest of their day. Reminds me of suggestions in Playful Parenting, a good parenting book I would recommend.
Nicole J.s last blog post..Stuff of interest to thinking mamas
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My midwife always has a stack of free Mothering magazines. The last one had an article about “gentle discipline.” This mom was playing ball with her two little boys and they kept getting upset and fighting. So she had them sit down and told them that the ball is a “talking stick” (why not a talking ball?) And whoever had the talking stick could talk while everyone else had to listen. And then each boy got his turn with the “stick” to talk about how he felt about his brother and the ball and the incident that had occurred. And then there were rebuttals and such, and then they sang a song and hugged.
I prefer my spanking stick.
Memarie Lanes last blog post..Marie Du Jour
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Nicole J. — Yeah, it actually is a great idea to stop what you’re doing and do something out-of-the-ordinary to sort of hit a “reset” button. One thing I’ve noticed with each of my three kids is that if they’re cranky (and not also tired/hungry/wet), the sure bet (after they’re not nursing any more) is to sit and read to them. If I put aside what I’m doing for five minutes and give them my undivided attention, I can then plan on another hour of independent play.
If their whole morning routine isn’t working, a lot more intervention is required, and that’s kind of where I thought this little idea went wrong. It sounds like the perfect tension-breaker for after you’ve done the underlying hard work of making sure they’re taken care of, you know? Even if you do have the perfect schedule (which needs constant adjustment), meltdowns can still happen, and this might come in handy then.
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Jane, your kids have independent play? For an hour at a time? What does that mean? or look like? Seriously? Let’s trade children.
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Me Tarzan. You Jane. Aaaahhh Aaaaaaah!!! My kids would bust a gut laughing at that one! Maybe they reallly would forget about being stressed out for a min or two. ??
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My kids are grown now. But wish I had advice in magazines like that. Thanks. Have a great day
Grammys last blog post..My refrigerator make me happy.
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Routines help me, too. I feel like my day goes so much better.
Sherrys last blog post..Wordless Wednesday – Pucker Up!
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Fabulous advice.
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When I had my first child, I loved those magazines. Couldn’t get enough of them.
Now that I’m a seasoned general in the trenches, I can’t stand them.
Milehimamas last blog post..Where’s Mrs. Wilt?
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Lately I have been trying to get to bed earlier and getting up earlier. Man…….that is hard. We homeschool so we don’t have to get up early. And it is so easy to get into a routine of staying up late and sleeping later–but I’m trying to reverse that.
Tonyas last blog post..~What Works For Me Wednesday~
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Adrianne — Well, it does involve making sure the hunger/diaper/tired issues are taken care of first (Let’s hear it for routines!), then you read to them and give them attention for a short while. And then you train them to independently play by IGNORING them. Works well.
Milehimamma — I think you can tell how many kids someone has by their tolerance of magazines/books like this.
Tonya — That seems like the beauty and the curse of homeschooling. Can be less structured, but, that leads to being . . . less structured.
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I agree. It’s not fun, but mornings go so much better if you get up earlier than the family. Also, laying out clothes the night before cuts down on a lot of stress.
I don’t think everyone yelling like Tarzan would de-stress any situation!
Jerris last blog post..Works For Me Wednesday-Cheap Moisturizer
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How come I get the feeling that if I did that my Hubby would immediately admit me to the insane asylum? He’s usually the cause of my craziness in the morning! Going to bed earlier and having things laid out the night before really do help though.
A Frugal Housewife (Blessed)s last blog post..Works For Me Wednesday – Handle the Laundry Once!
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Very great advice! Thanks for the reminder!
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I love that last part about the talking stick vs spanking stick! I think its a nice idea… but seriously, I do not understand how anyone could honestly go through raising a child completely without ever feeling the need to use spanking as a form of discipline. Spare the rod… you know the rest.
Wanis last blog post..WFMW – Sketches
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