No, Dick. I hate being a stay-at-home mother SO MUCH. Sometimes. Right now. On bad days. In the morning. In the afternoon. Every time but nap-time. In an apartment. When the dishes need doing. When the kids are cranky. When I am unappreciated. When I feel guilty. When I want to write. When I want to read. When I want to go to the bathroom by my freakin’ self. When it is what defines me.
Dick goes in for a colonoscopy today. I think I’ve just gotten back at him for criticizing my “mothering” and “homemaking” and “cooking” skills this morning. Since he is on a sad, sad liquid diet in anticipation, and not feeling so well, he is “working” from home today, and wants to know why I am sitting at my computer laughing when the kids are Crying! Yelling for Pancakes! Bleeding from the Knees!
How much time do you have, Dick?
Crying! Yelling for Pancakes! Bleeding from the Knees! This is my life, and sometimes I want to shave my head, strip off all my clothes, and run screaming onto I-15. In rush hour. Which is conveniently scheduled for both the early morning I HATE WAKING UP hour and the 5 o’clock WHERE’S YOUR FATHER hour.
So I asked him — Do you hate being a father so much? Because I don’t see you getting out of your chair to dry the tears, make the pancakes, get the bandaids. Oh, I forgot. You are WORKING.
And I must get back to my life.
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I’ve been having this exact conversation with my husband several times a week for weeks. I’m so glad I’m not the only one who feels this way!!!
I also love The Blue Castle. I read it about once a year.
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So true. I often feel guilty and selfish for lusting after all the things I could do if I didn’t have 3 little monkeys. But then I miss them when they are gone. If it was for a long time. Like 4 days or more. Man, I am a crap mother.
Let’s hope my parenting skills improve with time, and that I get a little more time to myself as they get older. Aaron remarked on the frequency of RIMD’s twittering yesterday (political stuff) and said she needed to spend more time with her kids. I said her kids were older and that somehow a 10 year old doesn’t need to sit on his mother’s lap for 6 hours a day like my 2 year old does.
Taras last blog post..Best Eighties Love Songs, EVER
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*sigh* Mr. Wonderful knows how hard I work. Its my kids who think I sit home all day watching TV and eating chocolate. At least they used to think that. Now they look at my HUGE, way overpriced textbooks and think I read and eat chocolate most of the day….because they know I “go to school for at least an hour, right Mom?”
Scarehaircares last blog post..
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You are so funny! Dick – is that his real name? – should be properly punished for his snarky little comment. Perhaps his colonoscopist would help out there?
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Oh so funny (ironic funny more than ha, ha funny of course!) and so true. DH is amazing about it and totally gets it but that doesn’t make it easier – I still feel crazy when the baby is screaming and I just want to write a blog post. I feel like a slacker all around when I can’t get it all done.
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nanny Kitty Reply:
October 1st, 2009 at 4:51 pm
The most parents I know think that they could not survive without a nanny or babysitter, but I think parents should have a distinct schedule, it helps to organize all family activities! The best thing is to remember that kids need our love and care!
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Brad might be getting a new job that will mean he’ll be home A LOT more, basically a second SAHP. I’m wondering how he’s going to handle it, especially with homeschooling and a new baby thrown into the mix.
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I can relate to this! This is sort of off topic, but kind of isn’t b/c it’s another example of DH sometimes just not getting it. We were at the zoo a few weeks ago and we saw a child kind of trip and fall down and immediately start screaming his head off. The mom was obviously saying something to him, but we were too far away to hear what she was saying. DH says “Omg, I can’t believe that woman isn’t helping her son get up. He’s crying so hard and is obviously hurt and she is practically just ignoring him.” I lost it, and said something along the lines of this, “oh yeah? well maybe he isn’t hurt and he’s just crying to get her attention. Maybe he does this all the time and she’s sick of it. Maybe she has spent the whole day with those two kids and she’s been repeatedly trying to get them to behave and she’s at the end of her rope and is ready to leave the screaming child on the sidewalk for the next person to deal with. And maybe having jerks like you judge her actions without knowing the backstory doesn’t help her at all.” His response? “uh, those are good points.” LOL
Karis last blog post..Unexpected School Lesson
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Paula Reply:
June 16th, 2009 at 10:12 pm
love this comment, talk about feeling like the rest of the world is NUTS!!!
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‘Kay, you know what, You? I think we’re kindred spirits, yes we are. I’m SO glad I found someone LDS and going through the same struggles, having the same thoughts. And I have a feeling that you do exaggerate a little and that everyone thinks you’re a better mom than you think you are.
(BTW, I’m supposed to be planning Sharing Time lesson right now… or a week ago.)
It’s easy to ignore a sound you hear so very often. Namely, crying. Or whining. And I turn to humour and music to keep me perky. Thanks, BTW, for the link to the Ben Folds song. Love Spektor but hadn’t heard of Folds yet. I hate radio so I’m often not up on new artists. I am NEEDING more music right now so if you can think of anyone with a similar sound, or anything upbeat, and want to send it my way, I can reciprocate. I may even record a video of me dancing to a song of your choice, as a thank you. Believe me, YOU WILL LAUGH. Awkwardly.
Natashas last blog post..Can’t stop crying. My gravestone will read: Died from worry.
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Hmmm. CommentLuv is two posts behind. Wish I could put CommentLuv on Typepad.
Natashas last blog post..Can’t stop crying. My gravestone will read: Died from worry.
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Jane, you always have a way of saying what I never have the *a-hem*(add your own fill-in-the-blank cliche here) on my blog.
Just this morning, I sat down in my closet crying because you know what? This mom job is just so hard and no matter how much you remind yourself how blessed you are, how lucky you are, yadayadayada, you still have days that tear you down to the bone.
And since self-pity never did a darn dish in her life, you have to stand up, wipe the tears away, and get the *a-hem* (again, fill-in-the-blank) done.
Thanks for speaking up; I’m thinking I should start a satire blog called “Relentlessly Cheerful!!!”
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It is for this very reason I named my blog “Welcome to my World!” – is is often said on occasions such as this.
However I do have some sympathy for Dick as I had the same procedure on Thursday. They said for 3 days before eat “normally” but no fruit, veg, salad, brown bread…..”. Then “light eating” for a day. Then there are the 4 litres of “cleansing” – good luck with that. (I found holding my nose helped!)
Finally, compared to the preparation, the procedure wasn’t so bad. Oh yes – and my results were fine – nothing to declare!
JanMary, N Irelands last blog post..O Danny Boy….the summer’s gone
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Oh so “Dick” and Lance are like best friends? LOL Lance is off his job on Thurs and Fri. He has the nerve every day off to tell me Im not here its my day off.
This week I was going through my schedule. I started back at school so I have 15 credit hours of classes trying to get my psych degree, Im the PTA president, A den leader, baseball that starts soon and Soccer in a few weeks. As I put all the dates into my calendar on things Im suppose to do I started crying there are sooo many days of me with 3 to 4 things IM doing a few things at the same time. He looked at me and was like whats wrong. And I explain what it is and tell him you know you complained this morning about the housework and that I didnt have anything planned for dinner and all I can think of is HELP ME I have a million things to do and not once do you ever offer to help me. You are off today the boys are running around climbing on me asking me to get this and that, you ignore them like they arent even talking to you until they run into the kitchen while you are playing a Warcraft Game and they interrupt. He explained to me my job(oh this was a fight) and I promptly explained to him his vows. That if we were not a partnership why did we even bother. I think he had to think about this for a while. I started another load of laundry, made lunch for the boys, finished up my calendar and started the required reading for class that night and all of a sudden he started on the dishes and cleaning up after lunch. I just looked with shock on my face. He didnt say anything, just did those 2 chores and then went back to his game. It was a small battle but at least he is thinking about helping LOL
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I feel comforted now knowing that my life is alot like most others. I’ve had those days where when the husband gets home I have the dog ready to go for a walk and head out the door before he’s even out of the car. “Kids are in the house, see you later!”
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Oh my dear – Monday I post the husband Olympics which addresses this very issue. Anytime my husband says something like “I don’t understand why you won’t take the kids to the car dealership and get the car fixed? I mean, I can’t do it I’m at work.” And I’m thinking, “Really? because taking a 2 & a 4 year old to sit in a car dealership waiting room for an indefinite period of time is a good idea?” Seriously. I would rather have my eyelashes plucked out one at a time than do that. Clueless – seriously clueless. They think they have evolved but they have not.
Beths last blog post..Technical Difficulties
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[...] « Do you hate being a mother so much? [...]
I guess I’m on Dick’s side.
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Even though it’s a really crappy thing, they are necessary.
A couple of years ago my mother and father had a full body scan complete with a colonoscopy. They fill you full of air and send you through the MRI. Only they didn’t need to fill my Daddy full of Air, he already was.
Accidental Housewifes last blog post..Head of the Slack-assed
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Thank you! For being honest. For admitting being a mom is hard as hell somedays, and just about as enjoyable, because frankly, I am so over all the “having kids and being a mom” is THE BEST THING EVER thing. Sometimes it is. Sometimes it makes me want to hide in the closet and cry for awhile.
Luckily my man gets it, having been left alone with the kids enough to know the feeling of – “Crying! Yelling for Pancakes! Bleeding from the Knees! This is my life, and sometimes I want to shave my head, strip off all my clothes, and run screaming onto I-15. In rush hour.”
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I have had SO many of these days! I can completely relate. My oldest is 13 and I am still waiting to use the bathroom by myself. I actually get jealous of my hubby when he goes to the bathroom. Nobody bothers him AND he gets to read a book! Thanks for helping all of us remember that we are not alone in this crazy SAHM life.
Kathys last blog post..By Divine Design
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late on this one, but yes sometimes i really hate being the mom. i’m not a stay at home type, but there are days, like today, when I do stay at home and wish I’d nevergiven birth to such a tiny devil (yeah just one…isn’t that enough)
I think DH knows I work hard, but I know DH is annoyed with me all the time. I can’t give advice since I’m searching for some myself. well maybe not advice…how about a housekeeper, maid,nanny, accountant and massage therapist…
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[...] would-be mentor? Will they think I’m hypocritical for drinking Mountain Dew and oppressed because sometimes I hate being a mother? How do you share the gospel [...]
Great post ! I want to know when you update your blog, where can i subscribe to your blog?
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[...] I know. I shouldn’t blame this whole (obviously hormonal) fiasco on being a stay-at-home mom — at least, certainly not on the “mom” part, not when Spot, seeing my weeping [...]
I cannot say how right you are!!! These other people have failed to see your point. I am going to put a link on my blog back to you ok?
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I know it’s frustrating, but while you’re at home taking care of the kids, he’s working to keep you from being homeless. Can you get a job yet? Are your kids old enough that they spend 8 hours at school now? WHy don’t you work part-time? Then you can get out of the house, make more money, then be able to afford short vacations. Or, you can spend that 8 hours ALONE doing whatever you want!
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Wow, this was me. Today. I am trying so hard to be positive but I seriously almost lost it. At one point I was ready to take a dive out of my bedroom window and hope that the two stories were enough to knock me unconscious.
I wanted to say to Eldon: I know this is all hard on you, I am so sorry this happened, but today while you were at school having everyone tell you how sorry they were and that they don’t want you to leave I sat here in our house with two babies that were on a rampage breaking glasses, eating jalapeno doritos that you left out while dancing on the table, whining, crying, boogerfying, pooping, screaming, running into the street in just a diaper, banging brooms on doors and every other naughty thing their little minds could think of doing. Trying to find job openings online and get your resume and applications and blah blah blah in order, trying not to think, trying not to cry, trying not to scream, praying in my mind over and over and then returning again and again to the stupid thought that this is all my fault. I wasn’t righteous enough, I wasn’t good enough, somehow. I break out long enough to tell myself I’m being ridiculous and to pray some more to last me a little longer before I start to slide down down down. And thank goodness for my commenters on my blog. If not for them I would have sat here all day with nobody calling or telling me they’re sad or that they don’t want me to leave, or that they’re ready to paint signs and go picketing outside the district doors, or that they really cared at all. I know I’m emotional, I know I overreact, I know we’ll be fine, but dang it all couldn’t the kids at least be good for one. day??
But instead I don’t say a word, I just give him a hug and then go upstairs and lose myself in a book. For a while, until he needs help with the kids so he can cook dinner. Because dang it he can’t get anything done while they are whining and clawing at his feet. ha. ha ha.
And now my book is done and I can’t sleep so I’m venting to Jane. Poor poor Jane. I really am sorry you ended up with this. But I ended up on this post and I just know you’ll understand. And you won’t hold my insanity against me.
Thank you.
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[...] months ago Dick asked me if I hate being a mother so much, and I have considered it often since, using that episode as a litmus test for new friends. If they [...]
I can relate to ALL of it and since I don’t have time to write a proper witty comment (with one crying, one hungry, and the other stuck on homework) I will go slightly off subject and say that I ABSOLUTELY HATE when people ESPECIALLY single friends without kids sit around and talk about how they WOULD handle any given day with 3 kids or worst of all how YOU SHOULD. I just hold my tongue because my revenge will come the day that they have a kid or two. I’m going to laugh my ass off.
The only thing that I think is below that is other MOMS who sit around and act like they have it all together without hired help and life is perfect “so what is wrong with you”. UGH. Then they go and drown the kids and everyone wonders what happened……
Anyway, that’s all I needed to vent from a situation today. It’s good to see that none of us are really alone & now the next step is for us to create a place that we can all get together with the little buggers and relax while we pay a small fee to have all of those non mom know-it-alls babysit for a few hours….hahahaha….I’m working on it! It’s my million dollar baby (the one that could pay it’s own way through college lol).
Keep your head up Moms ~ Each and every one of you is doing a great job I know because your kids are still ALIVE!!
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Jane Reply:
May 12th, 2009 at 9:25 pm
Yes — one of my favorite things a friend said was “As long as you don’t do crack cocaine when you’re pregnant, you’re a good mother.”
And you’re so right — the more I’m a mom, the less sure I am about most parenting theories!
Hope your day got better!
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[...] I know this comes as a surprise to many of you, because I have angsted over being a bad mother and hated being a mother and wished I could do anything else please by everything holy make the whining stop for five [...]
I am so over being a mom. I actually hate my husband because he is so free. His time is his time. If he is not working, he can go out with friends, get his hair cut, go to the movies, ball games, etc. I am stuck with these fucking kids. I had to take so many days off of work last year that I wasn’t asked back to my job. Technically they didn’t fire me but…you get the idea. My family is 4 hours away and my husband family is a bunch of idiots. Violent ignored idiots. His brother shot someone last week, his cousin murdered someone, etc. So you can see why I wouldn’t allow my kids to be in my husband’s hometown. But get what…I am leaving this weekend! & I am not coming back. Not coming back to my abusive husband and he can keep the kids. I am done.
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Soo Tired Reply:
September 21st, 2009 at 9:27 pm
STupid in nc, I feel the same way sometimes. Here my kids are screaming, fighting and keeping me up all night, and there is my husband sleeping through everything, enjoying his rest. Playing football with his friends, hunting, having guys night out etc. And me, an outcast from having any friends because I’m so busy with my kids that I have lost who I am. My life is over and no one sees this but me. I want to just walk out that door and see how everyone would like it if I wasn’t there any more to be their maid, their slave! See how much FUN my husband would have then and how easy he thinks it is to take care of 4 kids all by him self. See how he likes the fighting and the doctors visits and the school work and never having time to just sit down and read one chapter of a book. Never have the time to remember why I was here and what I liked to do before all of this madness! But when I think of walking out that door, I realize that I’m not hurting my husband as much as I’m destroying my kids. Who would take care of them like I did. Would someone love them and help them through all the hard times with love and understanding like I would. Would they feel abandoned and go down the road of hate and destruction because I wasn’t there to let them know that no matter what, their mother would always be there to love them and believe in them even when no one else did. After all, I did have some part in creating them, shouldn’t I make sure they start their lives out in a positive direction no matter how bumpy the road may become. One steady hand to lead them in the right direction and protect them like no one else would. to be their Mother…Then I shut the door, and walk toward my sleeping kids…How peaceful they are in sleep. How much I love them even though they drive me crazy! It’s not their fault their father doesn’t help raise them the way I thought a father should. He wanted boys, he got all girls. They need me, and then I feel that I need them more…I hope you can see past all the hate and negativity and focus on the most important thing. Your kids, and how much they love their mother in their own way. How much they secretively need you, but would never tell you out right. How much of a positive difference you can make in their lives. Life is so dame hard growing up! I’m glad I had a mother that was always there to give me a positive view to compare with the negative view I always seemed to create. I wouldn’t be here now if I didn’t.
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I have been feeling this way for the past 3 weeks. I hate being a stay at home mom..I really dont even like the ideal of being a mother period… I have a 15 year old daughter who i was fine with..then 3 years after having my tubes tied…the doctor tells me that Im pregneant…WOW!!! what a life changing moment!!! that 19 months later STILL has me in shock… I made the entire tubal ligation decision because, Ive proven to myself not to be the best parent ..and I was so looking forward to going back to college and graduating so or with my daughter at age 42 and living out the Greatest years ever..Then my son arrived 2 months early..and I have been his 24 hour caregiver ever since..over a year ago..IT GET HARDER EVERYDAY..HE WHINES..HE CRYS…HE IS TEETHING…HE FIGHTS SLEEP EVERY F-ING NIGHT FROM 11PM TILL 5AM.. MY HUSBAND IS A POLICE MAN AND WORKS ALL THE TIME, SO I FEEL LIKE A SINGLE MOM… I DONT THINK MENTALLY I CAN DO THIS FOR 17 MORE YEARS..NOT EVER 3 YEARS… IM SO DEPRESSED THAT IT SCARES ME…
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lglpn09 Reply:
November 15th, 2009 at 9:39 pm
I’m exactly how you feel. I’m so glad I’m not the only one feeling this way. My life sucks! The question is what can we do about it? I can’t continue to go like this. This is not living. I hate my boyfriend. I know it takes 2 to make a baby but why am I the only one suffering?
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OMG I feel so much better after reading all of your comments, im so happy I came by this page……. I feel like all i ever do is cook clean change diaper repeat , over and over and yett at the end of the day the house is trashed again, the laundry is piled up and Im at my wits end…… then to make it worse hubby walks through the door just to say ” The house is a wreck or Have you done ANYTHING today “…….. Im tempted to just leave for a week so I can breathe and let him see what it feels like to be home all day, on top of this I have no car so the four walls I see are slowly closing in on me……. One thing that makes it all better is when my two year old just wants to sit in my lap and cuddle…… My son is at the age where anything is climbable and everything is a toy so every time he gets a bump or bruise I am constantly having to explain myself when people as ” What Happened ” , sometimes I just wanna turn around and say ” HE IS A BOY AND HE IS 2 thats what freakin HAPPENED ” or when my sister in law makes the comment that my sons nails are too long or that he isnt speaking yett I wanna say ” HAVE YOU EVER TRIED TO TRIM A TWO YEAR OLDS NAILS BEFORE AND MY KIDS SPEECH IS NONE OF YOUR DAMN BUSINESS” …….. Nothing is ever easy, I constantly find myself Idolizing older kids that are 4 and 5 and saying to myself I CANT WAIT TIL HE IS THAT AGE……. lol, I use to want to be a stay at home mom but now I dream of going back to school and having a career, I guess you have to experience it in order to understand it ……
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And if I have to hear my husband complain about having to buy more diapers and wipes i might just SNAP on him and throw a dirty diaper at him………………… He makes my job here almost impossible, he wants me to cook dinner before he gets home but he hates the amount of money I spend on food, I wants to give the kids a good christmas but he hates that his money has to be spent on presents when he has bills he has to pay….. On one hand he feels like he does all the work and I do nothing, I know how much work he does and how hard he works at work I just WISH TO GOD he would give me the same respect I give him ……….
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You made your bed. No one forced you to have kids.
This had made me laugh.
A Group of us spent Christmas in a nice hotel doing what want when we want.
Why have kids then complain?
I am so gloating!!
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WAAAAHHHH…how about some cheese with all that WWHHIIINNNING!
Exactly what Nonmother said;
DID YOU EVER EVEN CONSIDER THE IDEA THAT YOU DON’T HAVE TO HAVE CHILDREN?
Probably not. That’s why the childfree get such a DELIGHT out of listening to your
whinningggg about “MY LIFE IF SOOOO HARD”.
HERE’S THE TRUTH.
You are not special and neither is your spawn.
You have the option to have kids or not. Somewhere along the line you made the choice. So GROW UP,, stop whining about your choice and get a life.
We wouldn’t want your life for all the cheese and wine in the world.
But…since we childfree come home to a quiet, clean home. We can open that wine, get out the cheese, turn on HBO and enjoy our life.
Bed.May.Lie!
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You made the choice to have children. Why are you complaining? People who make their choices and them complain about them are weak and pathetic beyond belief.
And vengefully wishing children on people who upset you like some sort of illness? Such a comment speaks volumes. Not as great as you were lead to believe, are they?
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All your misery is completely self-inflicted. You should be happy your husband works so hard so that you can stay home all day. If I had to hear this whining from you, I would arrange to be home only to sleep.
I am so glad to be childfree. My hersband comes home to me and we enjoy a nice meal and a relaxing evening. How can we do this, you may ask? Simple. We used the brains the Goddess gave us and didn’t breed. Bed. Made. Lie.
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Liz Reply:
January 15th, 2010 at 8:43 am
MerlynHerne, Tartantulal Owner, and Nonmother,
My god, you are cruel. These people are pouring out their hearts because they made the choice that your parents made- to have kids. Parenting is hard as hell as I have 2 of my own. We wanted to bring someone into the world to love and take care of but weren’t prepared for the level of challenge and sacrifice. These moms are suffering and your comments are like throwing salt into the wound. Shame on you for having zero compassion and not keeping your mouths shut or expressing your views in a more “Goddessly” manner. I agree with some of what you imply- remaining child-free is probably a good choice for a lot of people. It’s expensive, time-consuming, and stressful and many people ARE NOT in a position to bring kids into this world as they don’t have the resources. (I have the resources and my experience raising kids has been mostly positive.) Maybe as a society we are slowing learning this via sharing these feelings/experiences on the internet. Maybe this is part of our evolution. Yet for you to run your mouths off so callously…..
MerlynHerne- you may be using the brains the Goddess gave you but you certainly aren’t using the heart she gave you. Your comments just suck. I suspect you’re really more of a troll than a Goddess.
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To Liz
I do not have a god.
If someone didnot realise what level of sacrifice then they must be stupid.
I totally agree with Heidi Fleiss.
It’s often childfree who have to privide cover at work.
Have you any idea how dull parents are to non parents.
You make your bed.
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[...] of course there have been times when I resent my children, when I resent motherhood, when I think what could have been if I’d pursued my other dreams instead. And if I thought [...]