I’ve just realized that there is a chasm-like disconnect between what I like to do and what makes me happy. I know, shouldn’t have taken me thirty years to figure this out, but, they say knowing is half the battle. Or is that admitting? What’s Step One?
And why do I feel like the guy on the right instead of the girl?
I like to:
- Stay up late
- Drink soda fountain drinks
- Eat French Fries
- Read trashy novels all day
- Ignore my kids while reading trashy novels all day
- Lie on the couch
But I am happy when I:
- Get enough sleep
- Drink lots of water
- Eat stuff I’ve made myself, including Shrek Shakes and Muffins
- Read some scriptures and contemplate the state of my soul
- Interact with happy, well-fed, well-rested children
- Exercise for about 45 minutes
What’s my problem? If it’s all about the journey, or if the process is more important than the product/answer (hey, I remember AP Calculus), then what the heck am I doing wrong? How come what I like to do doesn’t make me happy? And let’s not even talk about the things I THINK would make me happy. What I’ve listed are things I already KNOW make me happy, and yet I still usually prefer to do the other things.
So that’s what’s not working for me today. Any insight would be much appreciated.
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Wow — how insightful and true! I’ll need to think more on this!
“The journey is its own reward.” ~Homer
What are you getting from the items on the Like To Do list?
I’m like you. I like to stay up late, but I do MUCH better if I get to bed at about 9pm. Why do I want to stay up late? It took me forever to realize that it’s because I don’t want to feel like I’m missing out on the fun. Mike stays up all night to do server maintenance and his own work and I don’t want to miss out.
“Missing Out” is a big motivator for me. I never want to miss out because I had to miss out so much when I was a kid. Once I realized that staying up late was just a useless form of that, it became easier to get to bed on time.
Why do you want to stay up late?
I have been feeling the exact same way these past couple days. My parents were here for a visit and they just left yesterday, which makes me very sad. I keep wanting to stay up late because the evening is the only time of day when I feel like I can do whatever I want (within reason) and not feel guilty about it. I hate for that time to end so I stay up late to prolong it and then I am grouchy the next day because I didn’t get enough sleep and I don’t have the energy to do things with Callie. Today I have been reading a book and trying to get Callie to entertain herself so she won’t interrupt me. Good thing I have finished the book now, so maybe I will get dressed today and take Callie out to the Botanical Gardens for a while and then head on over to the YMCA since I have been slacking with my exercise while my parents were here. Good think I believe in repentence. I think everybody has their lazy days, and sometimes we have them more than we should, but the good news is that we can always try to do better, and then we actually feel better.
So true! Your list is very similiar to mine.
Thanks for putting it in perspective!
I’ve recently made more time for hubby, and he for me, and our marriage is much better than it has been at some points in our 7 years. At first it was hard to give up the “me” time to stay up late and watch a movie or blog or whatever, but I am much happier when I make time for the best things.
I can really relate on the exercise front. I know it’s good for me, makes me feel better, is fun to do if I pop in a movie to do it, and gives Adam time with the kids in the morning. But do I do it? (sigh), no.
I only just started exercising again, but I have so much more energy when I do it. But the only day I’ve been able to do it this week was Monday! And I’m trying to do it every single day. Ugh.
Geez, I don’t know what all you people are talking about – I am happy when I do all those things on the “like” list! Of course, it might not be lasting happiness. Although reading does make me happy for a long time. Plus, most of the things I like to do only make me happy when I’m being selfish. Which was not so bad when I was single but those days are long gone. And often when I do too much of the things I like to do – I neglect those I love, and that certainly doesn’t make me happy. The verdict is still out on Mt. Dew though – it always makes me feel good!
As some of the above respondants have hinted, it’s got to be a balance, right? If you really did only the “like-to” things for a certain length of time, you’d get sick of them. And the same is true of the other list, too.
Then there is sacrifice — to paraphrase C.S.Lewis: “[I can't tell you how long to do only the "happy" things (before succumbing to the "like-to's"), but I can say that it ought to be at least a little bit past comfortable.]” Right? Then the “like-to’s” again have their salutary / refreshing effect.
Then there is the gradual maturation or maybe senescence-ification (I can’t think of the better word becase I suffer from it) in which your two lists will gradually shift. As Lois Bujold has one of her characters say, “[such 'like-to's'] just grow too dull to bother with…[or]…become tedious…not so much the growth of virtue, as simply the replacement of prior vices with an addiction to ['the happy-makers']“.
And lastly, there is senescence itself, in which no matter how much I like a thing (such as staying up late or over-eating) my aging body will not tolerate it as easily, and I am persuaded away from it by aches, fatigue, and indigestion. Look forward to it!
Good luck in your perpetual struggle, as we all must.
I so get this. The answer for me is microactions. For instance. This morning, I told myself I would only walk on the treadmill for 5 minutes. Once I was there, I walked for 20. I have to trick myself. And it’s difficult, because I’ve met me.
I like the comment above.
I also stay up way too late and suffer the next day because I am too tired. I stay up late for the same reason… its finally quiet, everyone leaves me alone, it’s so peaceful and I don’t want it to end. Every night I promise myself that I will go to bed early and then I never do.
Hey it only took you 30 yrs – I am 40 and still doing these things. I read somewhere recently that Einstein’s definition of insanity was “Doing the same thing but expecting different results”
Yup that’s me to a T.
Know exactly what I should do to feel better, be healthier and lose weight (so much so that I could write a book) – but still don’t do it.
I’m not stupid – why can’t I change?
Hey if/when you figure it all out, please let me know ok?
thanks to everyone for the great comments. i do agree with Laura that it’s important to figure out what you are getting from your “like to’s,” because you must be getting something. in my case, it’s temporary oblivion from the frustrations of daily living…
which reminds me of that great Hayley Mills movie Summer Magic, when cousin Julia condescends about the “grind of daily living.”
anyway. the problem is that after i stop indulging in whichever “like to” i’m indulging in, i’m still faced with the same frustrations (whining kids, feeling fat/tired/uncreative) AND i’ve wasted time. so it’s a vicious cycle.
and I agree with Dad Hyatt, that it’s easier to give up bad habits by replacing them with good, rather than just trying to stop and leaving a void.
ok, i’m off to do a little better tomorrow. thanks for your thoughts!