Welcome to the “What I would do if I had 10 days to live” edition of Makes-Me-Smile Monday. How one answers a question like this “explains a lot about you Ray” (Some Kind of Wonderful), or at least shows how seriously (as in “take it seriously” more than “answer with only serious ideas”) you’re willing to think and write about a blog prompt.
In thinking about this topic (it wasn’t my idea originally, or if it was, it was a spur of the moment idea to round out the MMSM idea survey, not something I had strong feelings about), I’ve come to the conclusion that I am probably schizophrenic, or at the very least highly conflicted, and also that, despite declaring my independence from an idealized, unattainable future, I am still a captive.
My first thought on contemplating such a curtailed future is one of rebellion: I would spend money on whatever I wanted — maxing those credit cards to rush out and see a few spots in the world, New Zealand first, eat whatever I want, drink whatever I want. In fact, despite a strong religious commitment to never drink alcohol, I’m tempted to say or think that I would want to try lots of different drinks; to fly to Russia and try vodka and to France for some champagne.
Oh, and I certainly wouldn’t exercise, or highlight my hair, or shave my legs, or worry about sunscreen — at least not the last day.
In short, I wouldn’t waste time or energy on any of the things (budgeting, exercising, moderating pleasures, grooming) that I currently feel constrained by, even as I feel a conviction that they do (or will) make me happier any day now.
Then I thought, since I do have this strong belief in a Judgement day and an afterlife, if I really had cancer or whatever, I would probably want to spend my last ten days in sackcloth and ashes, preparing for the great and dreadful day. In which case I a) can’t go into debt, b) can’t drink alcohol, and c) since I’m spending all my time fulfilling religious requirements, I probably wouldn’t have time to realize I am missing out on all those earthly pleasures that I now forbid myself out of conviction or delay till that day I can afford them (travel is a pleasure that I will embrace asap — no religious convictions against that).
But my final thought is that I would spend my last 10 days doing all I could to secure my children’s future. I am not unselfish enough to hope that my husband would find true love again. I think I hope he suffers the pain of a lost soulmate the rest of his days (or at least waits a respectable year before emerging from his grief), but my concern for my children, my love and fear and hope, is such that he could emerge after a scant few months if it were to provide my kids with the best mother possible. Probably he could even find someone more patient and inspiring than me.
It would be nice if she were independently wealthy, too, as 10 days might not be long enough for me to fix up the term life insurance policy that I’ve been putting off.
I hope you’ve had some epiphanies(!) while thinking of this topic. To participate in the carnival, share your funny or tragic or otherwise thoughts on your own blog (or in a comment) and then link up so we can all come read about it. See the Makes-Me-Smile Monday link above or leave a comment if you have any questions.
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typo: I am not unselfishness enough
I did not think at all about securing my children’s future. I guess I was hoping that they (and hubby) were all going to die with me! I can reasonably say that my husband should remarry if I die so as not to be lonely here on earth, as well as give a good mother to our children. What I can’t reconcile is what exactly would happen in the hereafter if that happens. A mystery to understand later, I suppose.
That is so funny that Shannon, Adrianne, Marie and I so far have commented about food! It’s like in that updated version of Freaky Friday. When the mom is in her daughter’s body she eats all the French fries she wants.
thanks for the typo help, Marcy; i am often with the typo-ing, but i was esp. tired last night while writing this. and, actually, that wasn’t a typo, but a (gasp) mistake. i looked at it last night and thought that something was wrong with the word, but i couldn’t figure out what it was, and in the end, i just went to bed.
on the food — i certainly don’t want to be one of those people obsessed with food and weight, but it might be too late for that.
[...] Shannon’s Makes Me Smile Topic asks what I would do with ten days to live. [...]
I noticed that too Marcy. In fact, my idea of heaven is sitting at a huge table eating and drinking all of my favorite things fo all eternity, without ever getting full. I’m not worried about getting fat, I can’t seem to gain any weight, it’s a medical issue. For me its a money issue and being able to eat without getting full.
I really don’t understand many people’s desire to travel and see things, especially in the last days of their life. I mean come on, when you are dead you can get anywhere in split seconds, so why waste your earth life packing, riding on airplanes, having jetlag, etc.
I actually knew a man who had just a month or so to live (he had cancer). And he told me how people always imagine themselves traveling in the last days of their life. But he said that once you know that you life really is over, all you care about is spending times with your wife and kids. He spent most of his last days going on walks and talking and holding his wife’s hand. He knew those are the things he could not do up in the spirit world for some time and those are the things he would miss the most.
I’m sure talking, walking , hugging, kissing, and telling my husband and kids how much I love them is all I would do. I would not wast time at airports, or looking at bulidings. Maybe when everyone was asleep I’d write more of my life story for my kids to have. I’d also ask my husband and kids, mom, sibling, how they would like to spend the last few moments with me………….
Sylwia